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Today's jokes [11.30.11]

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When the milkman found a note on one of his customer's
doors asking for 16 gallons instead of the usual quart,
he rang the bell.
"Sorry to bother you, ma'am," he said, "but are you sure
you want sixteen gallons of milk today?"
"Oh, yes," said the lady of the house. "I'm going to take
a milk bath."
"Do you want it pasteurized?"
"No, just up to my tits would be fine." 


Teacher: How can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?
Little Johnny: I get up early.


Two Scotsmen met 25 years after their last get-together. They hugged and 
slapped each others back and tears formed in their eyes as they renewed 
their old friendship.
"Let's have a drink like we did in the old days," the first Scot
winked at his mate.
"Aye," his mate replied. "And don't forget it's your shout."


    If government is going to put health warning labels on
   beer, wine and liquor, let's at least have a little truthfulness about
   the matter! 
   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath
   that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards.
   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an
   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring
   story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head
   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what
   you REALLY THINK while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas
   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
   ever happened to your pants (panties) anyway. WARNING: Consumption of
   alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something
   really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).
   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
   tougher, handsomer, and smarter than some really, really huge biker
   guy named "Big Al".


A gent spots a nice looking gal in a bar goes up
and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back
off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied.
"That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,   
"Who named you,your mother?"
"No, I named myself, she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting, why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men,"
she said looking directly into his eyes.
"What's your name?"

Sent by Ron


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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