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Today's jokes [11.28.11]

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A woman and her lover are on the bed in the woman's home, when
all of a sudden, they hear the front door open and close.
"Oh, no, it's my husband!"
The man says, "Where's your back door?"
"We don't have a back door" says the woman.
The man then asks, "Well, where do you want a back door?"

1. 




   A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG
   !
   He looks around: nobody's there. I am having hallucinations, he
   thinks. Then he hears the
   voice again: I SAID, DIG !
   So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some
   inches, he finds a small
   chest with a rusty lock.
   The deep voice says: OPEN !
   Ok, the man thinks, let's open the thing. He finds a rock with which
   to destroy the lock,
   and when the chest is finally open, he sees a lot of gold coins.
   The deep voice says: TO THE CASINO !
   Well the casino is only a few miles away, so the man takes the chest
   and walks to the
   casino.
   The deep voice says: ROULETTE !
   So he changes all the gold into a huge pile of roulette tokens and
   goes to one of the tables,
   where the players gaze at him with disbelief.
   The deep voice says: 27 !
   He takes the whole pile and drops it at the 27. The table nearly
   bursts. Everybody is quiet
   when the croupier throws the ball.
   The ball stops at the 26.
   The deep voice says: SHIT !
   


2. 




Chaim escapes from a mental hospital and goes to the train station. He 
gets on the train and is seated next to a business man. He asks the man, 
"Are you Jewish?" The man says, "No." Joe apologizes. Ten minutes later, 
he asks, "You wouldn't happen to be Jewish would you?" The man replies, 
"No!" Joe immediately apologizes. Five minutes later he says, " Can I ask 
you a personal question....are you Jewish?" He shots, "NO!" Joe continues
like this for the next four hours. When the train stops, the man runs 
away. When he gets to the hotel, he realizes there is someone next to him. 
It is Joe. Joe asks, Say, are you Jewish?" The man is so fed up that he 
says, "Yes." Joe says, "That's funny...you don't look Jewish at all!"

3. 




What game do four elephants in a mini play?
Squash


4. 




Little Johnny was in a spelling bee in class. He had to spell the word and 
use it in a sentence. The teacher asked him to please spell the word EAR. 
Little Johnny stood up and proudly said EAR E,A,R. Then to use it in a 
sentence he pretended to take a big hit off a joint and then while 
pretending to have his lungs full of smoke he predended to pass the joint 
to little Suzy and said "Ear" 


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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