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Today's jokes [11.23.11]

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Did you hear that Clinton has announced there is a new national bird? 

The spread eagle. 

1. 




There are a lot of words you can use to describe men: strong, caring, loving.
They'd be wrong, but you could still use them. 

2. 




Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he 
came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date 
stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. 
They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might 
have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.

"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked.

"Not very likely," his wife said.

"It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went 
downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store.

With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind 
the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a 
minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark 
corner at the back of the shop.

Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"

"No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would 
have thought they'd still be here after all this time."

The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be 
ready Thursday," he said calmly.

3. 




   A woman walks into a hardware store and says "I want to buy a hinge."
   The clerk says "Do you wanna screw for that hinge?"
   The woman says, "No, but I'll blow you for the toaster."
   


4. 




Q: What's the difference between American and Serbian pilots?
A: American pilots break ground and fly into the wind!


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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