Today's jokes [11.22.11]
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A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her
first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She
replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will
The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy
to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."
"I know, but can't you give me some idea?," she asks.
"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."
"A little more..."
"No. A little more..."
"Yes. Does that hurt?"
"A little bit."
"Now stretch it over your head!"
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh
theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he
whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed
The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became
"Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to
call the manager."
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who
turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of
his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the
manager returned and stood over the man.
Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but
with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All
right buddy, what's your name?"
"Sam," the man moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied
Sent by Zena
Two men were talking to each other about how pussy taste.
The first guy said"I think it taste like cherry pie".The
other guy said "I think it taste like shit".Then
the first guy said "you are supposed to turn her over".
Sent by Don Chamberlin
A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how
to play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store,
walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over
there and that accordion." The store clerk looks at him a bit funny,
and replies "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Let me say this one more time.
I did not have sexual relations with
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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