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Today's jokes [11.20.11]

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A guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranch. When they reach their 
deer blinds, the guy says, "If you shoot a deer, be sure not to let 
somebody else say he's the one who shot it. Otherwise, he'll take the deer 
from you. The deer belongs to whoever shoots it." The guy goes to his own 
blind. Ten minutes later, he hears his wife shooting from her blind 
nearby. He rushes over and finds her pointing her rifle at a cowboy who's 
hollering, "Awright, lady, awright--you can have the goddamn deer! Just 
lemme get my saddle off it!"

1. 




What do you call three blondes on Santa's Lap??

Ho Ho Ho


Sent by Adam

2. 




In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young
woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight
leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and
jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get
on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow
her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver
she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking
that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again
she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she
still couldn't! So, a little more embarrassed she once again
reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for
a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her
chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped
the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was
unable to make the step.
About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line
picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on
the step of the bus. 
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero
screeching at him "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even
know who you are!" 

At this the Texan drawled "Well ma'am normally I would agree
with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda
figured that we was friends." 

3. 




A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child. "Congratulations," 
said the nurse, "but don't you think this is enough?" The woman replied, 
"Are you kidding? This is the only vacation I get each year."

4. 




An aging hooker volunteered to give the novice a few tips on the art of 
fellatio. Satisfied that she had perfected the basics, the old pro asked 
the beginner if she had any questions.
"Well yeah. I was wondering how long dicks should be sucked."
"The same as the short ones, honey." 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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