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Today's jokes [11.18.11]

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As the end of the day drew near, the handsome executive 
called his newly hired assistant into his office. "Do you know 
what time we quit around here ?" he asked.

"Sure !" the girl nervously giggled. "Whenever somebody 
knocks on the door."



1. 




Isaac and Hymie were two tired Brooklyn businessmen who were
ordered to take a Caribbean cruise by their doctors. The second night
out on the way to Martinique they were leaning against the rail,
looking at the big bright tropical moon on the sea, really starting
to unwind.
        Suddenly the rail broke and both Jews fell screaming into the
ocean. They came up gasping and spluttering and saw the ship sailing
away from them into the darkness. As Isaac had fallen overboard he had
managed to grab a life preserver, and now he clung to it, desperately
treading water. "Hyman!" he called out, "Hyman, can you float alone?"

"Oy vay!" called out Hymie from the dark waters. "Vat a time to
talk business!"

2. 




Two Texan are sitting in a small town bar, where one bragged
to the other: "You know, I had me every woman in this town,
except my mother and my sister." 

"Well," his buddy replied, "between you and me we got 'em all." 

3. 




Why did the blonde go half way to Sweden and then turn around and come 
home?

It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television. 

4. 




A worldwide survey has been carried out with the following question:
"PLEASE, GIVE US YOUR OPINION ON THE LACK OF FOOD IN THE REST OF THE
WORLD"
No result was achieved, since the following problems were faced
during the survey's implementation:

1. In Western Europe no one knew what is "lack"
2. In Africa no one knew what is "food"
3. In Eastern Europe no one knew what is "opinion"
4. In South America no one knew what is "please"
5. In the USA no one knew what is "rest of the world"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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