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Today's jokes [11.1.11]

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There's a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands, a guy from the NAVY was 
driving from Annapolis to the Meadowlands, and an Air Force guy who's driving from McGwire in 
South Jerz to the Meadowlands just to watch the Jets. 

In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other and all cars go 
flying off in different directions. The squid manages to climb out of his car and survey the 
damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I am really lucky to be alive!" Likewise 
the ARMY guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. The Air Force guy just shakes 
his head and says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!" 

The NAVY guy walks over to the ARMY and Air Force guys and says, "Hey guys, I think this is a 
sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of 
arch rivals." The ARMY guy thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! 
We should be friends."

The Air Force guy says "Let me see what else survived this wreck." So he pops open his trunk 
and finds a full unopened bottle of Jack Daniels.

He says to the NAVY and Army guys, "I think this is another sign from God that we should toast 
to our new found understanding and friendship." The Swabbie says, "You're right!" and he grabs 
the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly a third of the 
bottle the Squid hands it to the ARMY guy and says, "Your turn! The ARMY guy sucks down a third
and hands the bottle back to the Air Force guy. 

The Air Force guy puts the cap back on the bottle and says, "I think I'll wait for the cops to 
show up." 

1. 




Have you ever wondered why you wonder why?
I used to wonder why, but now I don't wonder why I wonder why.
I wonder why I don't wonder why anymore? 

2. 




A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger
walked up to him and asked, "If you woke up
in the woods and scratched your butt
and felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?"

"Hell no!" the guy said.

The stranger then asked, "If you felt further into your
crack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?"

The man said, "Of course not."

"Wanna go camping?" 

3. 




A woman strode angrily into the large drug-store-cum-general-store, 
slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her 
dissatisfaction.
The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?"
The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered,
"Do you mean to tell me that Pussy Treats are meant for 'cats'?" 

4. 




Q. What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common?

A. They both have balls just for decoration.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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