Today's poems [10.18.11]
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Ode to The Bobbits
There once was a Bobbitt named John
Who thaught he was quite the Don Juan
His wife disagreed
So the next time he wee'd
John couldn't locate his wand.
Lorena wished John could be nicer
But he wasn't much of a de-icer
If she finds a new spouse
Let us hope he's no louse
Or we might have our first serial slicer.
A surgeon was filled with great tension
Trying to sew on a thing we can't mention
He stitched and he sewed
Used all the skills that he knowed
But the wee thing won't stand at attention.
John Bobbitt was never a loner
In fact, he was known as a roamer
His wife seized his prize
And cut him to size
Now he is his own organ donor.
There once was a crime most venal
One might say 'twas inches from renal
It wasn't for sport
That she made him so short
Her intentions were nothing but penal.
The Bobbitt case sure is a dilly
Though it sounds a little bit silly
He said she's the hacker
Who lopped off his whacker
She said she was trying to Free Willy.
Pink tender morsel,
Glistening with salty gel.
What the hell is it?
Ears, snouts and inards,
A homogeneous mass.
Pass another slice.
Old man seeks doctor.
"I eat SPAM daily", says he.
The tortured shape of this "food":
A small pink coffin.
- author unknown
My wife is an amorous soul
On fire for an African's pole.
She told a coon chauffeur
That he was her gopher---
And, say, did he go for her hole!
As he creamed my wife's cunt, the coon said,
"I could fuck this until she was dead!"
As he plugged up her trough,
I jerked myself off;
"If that's how you feel, go ahead!"
There was an old spinster of Tyre
Who bellowed, "My cunt is on fire!"
So a fireman was found,
Brought his engine around,
And extinguished her burning desire.
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