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Today's jokes [10.9.11]

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A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and
engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them
ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is
galvanized when she hears one of the men saying the following;
"Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they come together.
I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again
and pee twice. Denna I come once-a more."

"You fowl-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In
this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

Hey, coola down lady," said the man, "Imma justa tellun my
friend howa to spella Mississippi."

1. 




How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time 
they don't work.

2. 




A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel were chattering and 
playing around when up comes a fox. The girl squirrel dashed up a tree, 
but the boy squirrel stayed on the ground. "That's strange," said the fox. 
"Usually squirrels are afraid of me and run to the nearest tree." "Listen, 
bud," replied the boy squirrel. "Did you ever try to climb a tree when you 
were in love?" 

3. 




Why did the monkey fall out of the tree ? 
     - Because it was dead. 

Why did the baby fall out of the tree ? 
     - Because it was stapled to the monkey. 

4. 




Q: Why do some people take an instant aversion to banjo players?
A: It saves time in the long run. 



5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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