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Today's jokes [10.30.11]

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Young Amanpreet never quite got over his miserable 
childhood as an orphan in the ghetto.  When he turned 18 he
joined the Marines, but old habits die hard and one night the
sergeant found him rummaging around the garbage and eating
out of the discarded cans and jars.

"On your free, Lizard Pecker," he bellowed.  "You'll eat in 
the message hall -- you're no better than the rest of us!"

1. 




What did the elephant say to the naked man?

That's cute, but can it pick up peanuts!

2. 




   A Kentucky family took a vacation to New York City. For an adventure,
   the father took his son to see a skyscraper. They were amazed by
   everything they saw -- especially the elevator at one end of the
   lobby.
   
   The boy asked, "What's that there, Paw?"
   
   The father responded, "Well, Son, I reckon I never did see nothing
   like this in my entire life. I got no derned idea what it is!"
   
   While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment,
   an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed
   a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a
   small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small
   circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch
   the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again,
   and a voluptuous 24-year-old woman stepped out.
   
   The father turned to his son and said, "Go git your Maw."
   


3. 




What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

4. 




This guy walks in to a bathroom. There is a hole in the wall, and a sign
that says "put your dick in here, we'll do what your wife does for you". So
the guy puts his dick in there, and they sew a button on it. 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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