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Today's jokes [10.23.11]

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Why did the mexicans fight so hard for the alamo?

They wanted 4 clean walls to spray paint.

1. 




A nosey neighbour remonstrated with the woman in the adjoining apartment.
"Mrs Smith, do you think it is right that a seventeen year old boy spends
three hours every night in your apartment?"
Mrs Smith replied. "Its a platonic friendship. Its play for him and a
tonic for me." 

2. 




   A young married woman was discussing her sex life with a girlfriend.
   The girlfriend asked, "Do you talk to your husband when you're making
   love ?"
   
   She thought about it a minute then said, "Well, no. But I could. I
   mean he has a cell phone and all now."


3. 




A drunk staggered into a cemetery and fell into a freshly dug grave.
Pretty soon a second drunk staggered by. "Get me out of here", said the 
one in the grave, "I'm cold". The other one looked over the edge and said, 
"No wonder you're cold, you poor guy. You don't have any dirt on you".

4. 




   Pope Dies
   The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the
   reception committee, and
   after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad
   recreations available.
   He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of
   the Holy Scriptures, and
   spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a
   linguistic master, he
   sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the
   Bible, working back
   from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script.
   All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come
   running to him, only to
   find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering,
   "An 'R'! They left out
   the 'R'."
   God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem
   is. After collecting
   his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter 'R' ... the word was
   supposed to be
   CELEBRATE!"
   


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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