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Today's jokes [10.22.11]

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Personally I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that
   as both husband and Father, I can say anything I want to around the
   house.
   
   Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.


1. 




There was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to
the wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after
day. So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to,
so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing.

So he turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything."

The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!"

2. 




Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white 
stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't 
know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did 
and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other 
zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are 
what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black 
stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is." 

3. 




Did you know that a man is made up of many useless things?

He has an Adam's apple that isn't an apple
Two calves that will never become cows
A nose bridge that doesn't lead anywhere
A roof of the mouth that won't cover anything
Twenty nails that won't hold a board
A chest that won't hold linen
Two boobs that won't give milk
Two buns that won't feed anyone
A belly button that won't button
Two balls that won't roll
An ass that won't pull a plow
An organ that won't play music
A cock that won't crow

4. 




A husband comes home with a half-gallon of ice cream and asks his wife if 
she wants some.
"How hard is it?" she asks.
"About as hard as my dick." he replies. "Ok, then pour me some!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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