Today's jokes [10.18.11]
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A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the
obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After
the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50
cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then,
let it read 'Fred Brown died'."
Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor stammers that there
is a 7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again,
counts on her fingers and replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown
died: 1983 Pick-up for sale'."
A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to
file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a
few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc.
and then asks, "What is your occupation?"
The woman replies, "I'm a whore."
The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is
much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman, "Ok, I'm a prostitute."
"No, that is still too crude. Try again."
They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a
whore or a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year."
One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate
trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on
shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold
a genie popped out.
"Greetings, Miss Lewinsky," the genie said. "Since you have released me,
I will grant you one wish."
"Well," Monica replied, "I'm going to be on television alot for a while,
and I want to look my best. I wish you would get rid of these love
"Your wish is my command," said the genie. A wave of his hands, a puff of
And her ears promptly fell off.
There were two cows in a paddock, enjoying the sun and eating some grass.
The first cow said "Moo."
And the second cow said "That's funny, I was just about to say that."
She said, "Kiss me doctor!"
Doctor said, "I can't as we doctors have an ethics
standard that does not allow us to kiss our patients,
in fact, I really shouldn't be fucking you."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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