Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  
 


Today's jokes [10.18.11]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.


A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the
obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After
the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50
cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then,
let it read 'Fred Brown died'."

Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor stammers that there
is a 7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again,
counts on her fingers and replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown
died: 1983 Pick-up for sale'." 

1. 




A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to 
file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a 
few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. 
and then asks, "What is your occupation?"
The woman replies, "I'm a whore."
The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is 
much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman, "Ok, I'm a prostitute."
"No, that is still too crude. Try again."
They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken 
farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a 
whore or a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year."

2. 




One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate 
trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on 
shore.  Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold 
a genie popped out.
"Greetings, Miss Lewinsky," the genie said.  "Since you have released me, 
I will grant you one wish."
"Well," Monica replied, "I'm going to be on television alot for a while, 
and I want to look my best.  I wish you would get rid of these love 
handles."
"Your wish is my command," said the genie.  A wave of his hands, a puff of 
smoke...
And her ears promptly fell off.

3. 




There were two cows in a paddock, enjoying the sun and eating some grass. 
The first cow said "Moo."
And the second cow said "That's funny, I was just about to say that." 

4. 




    She said, "Kiss me doctor!" 

    Doctor said, "I can't as we doctors have an ethics 
    standard that does not allow us to kiss our patients, 
    in fact, I really shouldn't be fucking you."

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 October '11 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
                  1  
2  3  4  5  6  7  8  
9  10 11 12 13 14 15 
16 17 18 19 20 21 22 
23 24 25 26 27 28 29 
30 31 

Jump to  



For any questions or comments email us at info@jokes2go.com
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.