Today's jokes [10.17.11]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
Easter is approaching. Father O'Maley checks estimates for the flower
decoration of the altar.
The catholic florist - $ 300. "Too expensive" moans the priest.
The protestant florist - $ 250, "No, it would not be right to buy at
another Christian believer, especially as the price difference is rather
small." But lo! Solly Goldberg - $ 75!!!
Religion or economics? After much consideration, Solly obtains the
On Easter Sunday morning, Goldberg's men deliver the flowers: wonderful
roses, azaleas, camellias, tulips and carnations. O'Maley's last
reservations are discarded.
When the parishioners arrive in the church, they see the magnificent
flower arrangement and a ribbon with the inscription:
"Jesus has risen! But the prices of Goldberg always stay the same."
A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he
have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he
wouldn't make it through the night. So the person calls for his lawyer and
asks him to come and sit by his bed. Right before the person dies, the
lawyer asks him why did he want him next to him. The dying person replied,
"When Jesus died, he had a thief next to him and I want to go the same
What does a girl with bulimia call two fingers?
There was a young Scotsman called Andy,
Who knocked over his bottle of Shandy.
He lifted his kilt,
To wipe up what he spilt,
And the barmaid said, "Blimey! That's handy!"
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which
one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of
them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She
gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and
tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you
because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a
television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I
bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."
The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market,
doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the
rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future
because I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the
money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
2 3 4 5 6 7 8
9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28 29