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Today's jokes [10.15.11]

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What's the definition of AIDS?

Anally Injected Death Sentence. 

1. 




For me, penises are a hobby ... kinda like fishing ... The small ones you 
throw back, The good-sized ones you take home for dinner, and The big ones 
you mount."

2. 




A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and then
horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and
rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the
saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get
a firm grip.

She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down
the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly
impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she
leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now
at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is battered
against the ground again and again. She is mere moments away from
unconsciousness when........

  ........the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

3. 




   Georgie is walking down the street after a sex-change operation has
   transformed him into a beautiful women. An old friend sees him and
   says, "Georgie, you look great...you're beautiful!"
   
   Georgie says, "Thanks...but holy Christ, did it hurt."
   
   His friend says, "When they cut open your chest and put in those
   implants?"
   
   Georgie says, "No, that didn't really hurt."
   
   His friend says, "When they cut off your dick and dug out a vagina?"
   
   Georgie says, "No, that didn't really hurt."
   
   His friend says, "Then what did hurt?"
   
   Georgie says, "When the doctor drilled a fucking hole in my head and
   sucked out half my brain."
   


4. 




Science alert

Scientists have just discovered something that can
do the work of five men: a woman. 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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