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Today's jokes [10.14.11]

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    A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to
   marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each
   other." He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we
   go along."
   So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a
   very nice resort.
   So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his
   towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck
   gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position,
   where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
   After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the
   towel. She said, "That was incredible!" He said, "I used to be an
   Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about
   ourselves as we went along."
   So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about
   thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out
   of breath.
   He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
   "No." she said, "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of
   the canal."


1. 




On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having
trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got mad
and stormed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later she came back
completely naked execpt for a lemon between her legs. 

The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed out of
the room himself. Twenty minutes passed and then he came back
himself with a potato around his dick.

The wife gave him a wierd look and then the husband replied
"If your going as a sour-puss, I going as a dictator". 

2. 




Did you hear about that guy who was tap dancing?

He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink. 

3. 




Two guys get stuck on a desert island.They are soon caught by the natives
and brought to a village and put before the cheif.He says to the first
guy,"As punishment for tresspassing I give you a choice, death or Ru Ru".Not
wanting to die he picks Ru Ru.He is then beaten
and buggered to unconciousness right in front of his friend.The 2nd guywhen
asks says "I'd rather die than suffer that ". The chief says "Great,death it
is,death by Ru Ru"!!!

4. 




What's the difference between a nun and a woman taking a shower?

The nun has hope in her soul.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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