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Today's jokes [10.10.11]

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   This man was having problems getting it up to have sex with his wife,
   so he went to the
   doctor for advice. The doctor told him the next time he wanted to have
   sex, to stick his
   finger in his wife's pussy, and then rub it under his nose, and the
   smell would cause his
   hormones to kick in, and he would obtain an erection. That night, he
   decided to make his
   move. He turned out all the lights and got into bed. He put his finger
   in her pussy, and then
   rubbed it under his nose. He felt a tingling in his cock, and it began
   to stiffen. Amazed, he
   decided to see what would happen if he used two fingers. He stuck them
   in her pussy, then
   rubbed them both under his nose, and his cock quickly jumped to 3/4
   erect. He decided to
   try 3 fingers, so he put them in her pussy, then rubbed them all
   around under his nose.
   Soon he was sporting the biggest hard on he could remember. He said,
   "Honey, quick
   turn on the lights, and check this out!" She turned on the lights, and
   with his dick standing
   tall, he proudly asked, "What do you think?" She looked at him and
   said, "Looks like the
   worst nose bleed I've ever seen!"
   


1. 




"Get this." said the bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was 
down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house.
"Did he get anything." his mates asked.
"yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. 
The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."


2. 




Why can't you circumcise Iranians? 

    - There's no end to those pricks. 

3. 




The Three Laws of Thermodynamics

  1.You can't win.

  2.You can't break even.

  3.You can't quit the game. 


4. 




 A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard.  The little 
 boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa,
 I  bet I can put that worm back in that hole."

 The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't.  It's too
 wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

 The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair
 spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board.  Then
 he puts the worm back into the hole.

 The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray, and 
 runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and 
 hands the little boy another five dollars.

 The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."

 The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

+------------------------------------------------------------------------
 On their first night together, the newly weds decided to set up signals
 concerning their "urges".

 The lady said "If you want it, squeeze my BOOB once, if you don't want it,
 squeeze my BOOB twice."

 The gent said "OK, if you want it, pull my DONG once, if you don't want it,
 pull my DONG 48 times."


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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