Today's jokes [1.5.11]
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While your sitting on the toilet you see written on the stall door:
Congratulations! You've won one free game of Toilet Tennis!
You look left and it reads:
You look right and it reads:
Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One
notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders.
He says "When did you start wearing them?" To which the other man
replies "Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car."
A priest was vested in his surplus and cassock ready to process at the
beginning of the service. His surplus was very ornate and he was swinging
the incense pot which had smoke coming from it. A lady touched him on the
shoulder and said, "Darling, I love your dress; but your purse is on
What would you rather be, a light bulb or a bowling ball?
Depends on whether you'd rather be screwed of fingered.
Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates. After
knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. "Who goes
there?" inquired St. Peter.
"'It's me, Bill Clinton."
"And what do you want?" asked St. Peter.
"Lemme in!" replied Clinton.
"Soooo," pondered Peter. "What bad things did you do on
Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana
but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. I
guess I had extra-marital sex -- but you shouldn't hold that
against me because I didn't really have 'sexual relations.' And I
lied, but I didn't commit perjury."
After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK,
here's the deal. We'll send you someplace where it is very hot,
but we won't call it 'Hell.' You'll be there for an indefinite period
of time, but we won't call it 'eternity.' And don't abandon all
hope' upon entering, just don't hold your breath waiting for it to
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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