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Today's jokes [1.30.11]

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What has four legs and smells like fish? 

    Clinton's desk. 

1. 




Three Pastors from the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, "Ya 
know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft 
and attic at church. I've tried everything-noise, spray, cats-nothing
seems to scare them away. 

Another said, "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in 
the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away." 

The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the 
church... Haven't seen one back since!" 

2. 




Q: How do you get a Blonde to Marry you?
A: Tell her she's Pregnant.


3. 




   A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50 that
   no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play."
   
   The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old
   guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and
   starts playing the guitar. The octopus' owner pockets the fifty bucks.
   
   The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens
   up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy
   hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus' owner.
   
   The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back,
   coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm.
   He puts them on the bar and says to the guy, "Now if your octopus can
   play that I'll give you a hundred dollars."
   
   The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over,
   and has another look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus'
   owner comes up and says, "What are you pissing around for? Hurry up
   and play the damn thing !"
   
   The octopus says, "Play it ? If I can figure out how to get it's
   pajama's off, I'm gonna fuck it! "
   


4. 




A tipsy guy in a bar stood and made the following speech, "I am white from 
head to toe. I am rich and I am handsome. My name is Brown. B-R-O-W-N." 
Thoroughly annoyed, Sam retorted, "My name is Sam and I am white from head 
to toe. Except my asshole. Which is brown. B-R-O-W-N."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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