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Today's jokes [1.29.11]

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Answering Machine Recording:
"You have reached the breast self-examination hot line. Please press 1 
now.......Now press the other one." 

1. 




A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, 
one of the highest mountains in the Americas. Their guide 
pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been 
discovered. They had died in the act of making love.

"How awful !" exclaimed the wife.

"Si, but what a great way to spend eternity." added the 
husband.

2. 




Q: What do your wife and a condom have in common?
A: When there not on your cock there in your wallet.


3. 




When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said
she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have
waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled
with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through
a red light' five hundred times."

4. 




Frivolous Old Gal



I have become a little older since I last saw you and a few changes have come
into my life. Frankly, I have become a frivolous old gal. I am seeing five
gentlemen every day. As soon as I wake up Will Power helps me get out of bed.
Then I go see John. Next, Charlie Horse comes along and when he is here, he
takes a lot of time and attention. When he leaves Arthur Ritis shows up and
stays the rest of the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he
takes me from joint to joint. After such a busy day, I'm really tired and
glad to go to bed with Ben Gay. What a life! Oh, yes, I'm also flirting with
Al Zymer.

P.S. The preacher came to call the other day. He said that at my age, I
should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him, "Oh, I do all the time.
No matter where I am: in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the
basement, I ask myself, now what am I hereafter?"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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