Today's jokes [1.20.11]
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Why can't Santa have children?
He only comes once a year.
Why is a bride always smiling as she walks down the aisle at her wedding?
No more blowjobs.
A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years
before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked
about 10 feet behind their husbands.
She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked
several yards behind their wives.
She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is
marvelous," said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve
this reversal of roles?"
Replied the Kuwaiti woman: "Land mines"
Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no
arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a
head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all
in the pool.
The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with
no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the
Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can
still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool,so he
decides he had better dive down to rescue him.
He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and
places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head
starts coughing and spluttering.
Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three
years I've spent learning to swim with my fucking ears, then two
minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming cap
Why can't black women become nuns?
They can't say superior after mother.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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