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Today's jokes [1.20.11]

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Why can't Santa have children? 

     He only comes once a year. 

1. 




Why is a bride always smiling as she walks down the aisle at her wedding? 

     No more blowjobs. 

2. 




   A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years
   before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked
   about 10 feet behind their husbands.
   
   She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked
   several yards behind their wives.
   
   She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is
   marvelous," said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve
   this reversal of roles?"
   
   Replied the Kuwaiti woman: "Land mines"
   


3. 




Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no 
arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a 
head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all 
in the pool.

The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with 
no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the 
bottom.

Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can 
still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool,so he 
decides he had better dive down to rescue him.

He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and 
places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head 
starts coughing and spluttering.

Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three 
years I've spent learning to swim with my fucking ears, then two 
minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming cap 
on me!"

4. 




Why can't black women become nuns?

They can't say superior after mother.



5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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