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Today's jokes [1.19.11]

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John: I got this great new hearing aid the other day.

Mary: Are you wearing it now?

John: Yup. Cost me four thousand dollars, though. But it's top 
of the line.

Mary: What kind is it?

John: Twelve-thirty.

1. 




A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition
that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well,
this happened...but then they danced for the second song too. And
the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up
and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke out, and all
the invited guests were hauled off to jail. In court the next week,
the judge asked the best man what happened.
"Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and
kicked the bride between the legs."
"That must have hurt," said the judge.
"No kidding," said the best man. "I broke three of my fingers."

2. 




   German Shepard on Golf Course
   
   A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her swing when
   his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the back of her skirt.
   Needless to say this was embarrassing to both of them since their
   relationship had been purely platonic.
   They decided to walk together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse
   where certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the problem.
   Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German Shepherd ran
   up and threw a bucket of water on them.


3. 




Whats the difference between a regular toad and a horney toad?

A regular toad croaks "Ribbit Ribbit" while a horney toad croaks "Rub-it
Rub-it"

4. 




"I think Rover is getting a bit old, he seems to be going deaf."
"Bullshit, watch this...Rover sit! Oh dear, you're right, I'll get
the shovel and clean it up!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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