Today's jokes [1.17.11]
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A travelling salesman stopped alongside a field on a country road to rest
a few minutes.
The man had just closed his eyes when a horse came to the fence and began
to boast about his past. "Yes sir, I'm a fine horse. I've run in 25 races
and won over £5 million. I keep my trophies in the barn."
The salesman worked out the value of having a talking horse, found the
horse's owner and offered a handsome sum for the animal.
"Oh, you don't want that horse," said the farmer.
"Yes I do," said the salesman, "and I'll give you £10,000 for the horse."
Recognising a good deal, the farmer said without hesitation, "He's yours."
While he wrote out his cheque, the salesman asked, "By the way, why
wouldn't I want your horse?"
"Because," said the farmer, "he's a liar - he hasn't won a race in his
While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90 year old man (he got his
hand caught in a gate while working his cattle)a doctor and the old man
were discussing Bush's health care reform ideas. The old man said "Well,
ya know, old Bush is a post turtle".
So, not knowing what he meant the doctor asked him what a "post turtle"
was. And he said "When your driving down a country road, and you come
across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle.
You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't
get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor
In a recent scientific research project, it was proved
that Beer contains the female hormone oestrogen.
That's why after a six pack you can't drive.
A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.
"I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are
complaining that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"
Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did
the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."
Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?"
Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?"
Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving
around, my zip code keeps changing."
Two neighbors had been fighting each other for
nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and
teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
For one whole year Bill ignores the dog.
So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the
bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a
half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being
ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front
of Bill's house.
Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the
'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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