Today's jokes [1.16.11]
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WASHINGTON, DC - Frustrated by failed attempts to turn
public support away from the president, congress today
announced it would begin releasing completely fabricated
documents and videotapes on Monday.
Speaker Newt Gingrich addressed the press at the Capitol this
morning. "We feel that with the release of all the documents
from the Starr Inquisition, and the public still supporting the
president, we need to take further steps in our neverending goal
of overturning the 1992 and 1996 elections.
On Monday morning, we will release a diary of President
Clinton's in which he claims to have had dinner with Adolf Hitler,
Ayatolla Khomeni and Saddam Hussein, and later slept with
them in the Lincoln Bedroom. He also claims in the diary, 'Meat
is murder, I am a communist, Die Capitalist Die!' We will also
release a doctored videotape showing the president strangling a
litter of small kittens."
A CNN/Newsweek poll following the press conference showed a
slight rise in the president's approval rating.
Little Johnny walks into his primary school classroom one morning to
be confronted by his
Teacher "Ahh, Good Morning Johnny, and where were you yesterday?"
Johnny "I'm sorry Miss, but my Grandad got burnt yesterday."
Teacher, "Was he burned very bad?"
Johnny, "Yes Mam, they don't fuck around at these crematoriums you
Whats a blonde's favorite surgery?
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man
speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the
man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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