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Today's jokes [1.15.11]

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One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to 
find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she 
became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of 
their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the 
court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything 
to say to defend herself.

"Well, Your Honor," she replied coolly. "I figured that at 92, if 
he could make love to another woman, he could fly!"

1. 




In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep
   with President Clinton?" 86% replied, "Not again"


2. 




Young Amanpreet never quite got over his miserable 
childhood as an orphan in the ghetto.  When he turned 18 he
joined the Marines, but old habits die hard and one night the
sergeant found him rummaging around the garbage and eating
out of the discarded cans and jars.

"On your free, Lizard Pecker," he bellowed.  "You'll eat in 
the message hall -- you're no better than the rest of us!"

3. 




What did the elephant say to the naked man?

That's cute, but can it pick up peanuts!

4. 




Shortly after being assigned to a new base, a Lieutenant and his wife were 
invited to the Colonel's home for an evening of bridge. The Lieutenant was 
partnered with the Colonel's wife and vice versa. After many hands, the
Lieutenant excused himself to use the toilet, but accidentally left the 
door ajar. When the sound of splashing echoed through the family room, his 
wife was greatly embarrassed and attempted to apologize, to which the
Colonel's wife smiled demurely, "Don't worry about it; this is the first 
time all evening that I've been able to tell what he has in his hand." 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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