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Today's jokes [1.12.11]

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"Daddy?" the kid asked his father. "Where did I come from?"
"Ask your mother," he replied.
"I did," the kid said. "But I don't think she was telling the truth. She 
said I came from a bucket."
"Hmmmm," chuckled his dad. "That's about the size of itů"

1. 




Why don't mexicans have barbeques?

the beans keep slipping through the grill.

2. 




It was during a ball at Andrew Jackson's country home that the 
family physician approached Mrs. Jackson to say, "You're 
looking wonderful tonite, Rachel! What keeps you so radiant 
and effervescent?"

"Having such a popular husband, of course."

"Surely there must be more to it than that, madam."

"Well, there's Old Hickory's dickery, doc."



3. 




There were 2 old-maid sisters... both virgins. It's Friday night 
and Gladys looks at Betty and says, "I'm not going to die a 
virgin... I'm going out and I'm not coming home 'til I've been 
laid!!"

Betty says, "Well, make sure you're home by 10 so I don't 
worry about you." 

10 o'clock rolls around and there's no sign of Gladys... 11 
o'clock...12 o'clock... 

Finally about 15 after 1 the front door flys open. In runs 
Gladys... straight to the bathroom.

Betty goes and knocks on the door, "Are you okay, Gladys??" 

No answer, so she opens the door and there sits Gladys with 
her panties around her ankles, legs spread, and her head stuck 
between her legs looking at herself.

"What is it, Gladys??? What's wrong?" asks Betty.

"Betty, it was 10 inches long when it went in... and 5 when it 
came out.  When I find the other half you're gonna have the 
time of your life!!!"

4. 




The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement
park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The
ride completed, she seemed rather bored.
     "What would you like to do next?" he asked.
     "I wanna be weighed," she said. So the young man
took her over to the weight guesser.
"One-twelve," said the man at the scale, and he was
absolutely right.
     Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he
bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked
what else she would like to do.
     "I wanna be weighed," she said.
     I really latched onto a square one tonight, thought
the young man, and using the excuse he had developed a
headache, he took the girl home.
     The girl's mother was surprised to see her home so
early, and asked, "What's wrong, dear, didn't you have a
nice time tonight?"
     "Wousy," said the girl.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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