Today's jokes [9.9.10]
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Three college students were rapping about who they'd like to be cast off
on a desert with. The first one opted for Cindy Crawford. The next one
chose Pamela Anderson. The third man chose Virginia Pipeline. "Never heard
of her." his companions protested. "Who is she?" "Why she's just the
greatest Italian gal of all, making the headlines in the newspaper,"
replied the third man. "See, here it is on page one: FIVE DIE LAYING
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up
your things. I just won the California lottery!"
Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the
house by noon!"
Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody
This is a story about four people named Everbody, Somebody, Anybody
and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was
sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but
Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was
Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody
realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everbody
blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
A Jewish man has just won the lottery and invites his family to a
dinner. He then stands up to thank everyone.
"First I must thank my beautiful wife for her help and support, then
I want to thank my children, and the lottery commission."
"Then I would like to thank Adolf Hitler". Suddenly everyone was
silent as he showed some numbers tatooed on his forearm and said,
"For the winning numbers".
The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed
of working since a young boy. He was trying to impress
the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Sub School.
The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, 'sir',
it's real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the
number of times we surface. Divide that number by two.
If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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