Today's jokes [9.4.10]

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The teacher walks in and finds an apple on her desk with the letters "ILU" 
written on it. The teacher asks who left it. A little white girl raises 
her hand. Well sweetie, what does "ILU" mean? The little girl replies, "I 
love you."
The teacher says, "Isn't that sweet," and continues with class. The next 
day the teacher finds a banana on her desk with the letters "YAS" written 
on it. The teacher asks who left and what does it mean. A little white boy 
raises his hand and says, "It means, You are special." "Thank you 
sweetheart", the teacher says.
The following day, the teacher walks in to find a watermelon with the 
letters "FUCK" written on it. The enraged teacher asks who left it and if 
they know what that means. A little black girl raises her hand and 
cheerfully says, "Yes maam, I left it. It means, from us colored kids!". 

Need a change?  Here's the Spice Girls Application Form . . .

Name: 
Age:
Real Age:

1. How would you describe yourself?
a.  An energetic self starter
b.  A team player
c.  Pro-active
d.  A tasty bit of crumpet

2. Do you have any vestige of talent, besides your chest or butt?

3. Would it bother you if you were the target of unrelenting hatred? 

4. Are you willing to trade sexual favours for a career in the music
industry?
a.  Yes
b.  No

5.How many times have you been kicked out of karaoke bar?

6. Does nudity bother you?  If so give three excuses for your 
portfolio.

7. Explain the difficulties in identifying the source of individual
free will in light of the deterministic theories of neurochemical
medicine and modern behaviourist psychology. ...just kidding!!

6. Seriously, do you like wearing leather mini-skirts?
a. Yes
b. No

8. Are you deceptively attractive in coloured or stroboscopic light? 

9. Choose an appropriate SPICE nickname:
a. Sexy     
b. Nasty      
c. Sweetie    
d. Eezie     
e. Syphilis  
f. Olde

10. Choose an appropriate SPICE image: 
a. Cute, blonde, appeals to paedophiles
b. Tub of lard 
c. Bloke in a tracksuit
d. Vacant stare, no discernible brain activity
e. Terrifying to small children and old men 
f. All of the above

11. Do you promise to make two albums and then go away forever?
a. Yes
b. No

12. Elvis Costello is________________.

a. the king of rock and roll
b. former partner to Bud Abbott
c. Ollet Socsivle backwards
d. oh, you know, this guy 

13. If two trains leave Liverpool an hour apart at 90 kilometres and
75 kilometres an hour respectively, how would you look in a bikini?

14. If required as part of your contract, would you be willing to help
alleviate Prince Charles' loneliness?
a.  Yes      
b.  No 

15. List three body parts you'd be willing to pierce and expose
continuously. 

16. In the space provided, tell us why you want, why you really,
really, want this job.

A certain college professor was notorious for getting off the topic of
the lecture, and on to his favorite subject: the evils of marijuana.
Off he went one day into his inventory of horrors, "Used regularly," he 
explained, "pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer and 
castration!"
"Now wait a minute, professor," interrupted a student. "Castration?
That's absurd!"
"Yes young man, it's sadly true," replied the professor smugly. "Just 
suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!"

Did you hear that Oprah Winfrey was arrested
at the airport for drug smuggling?

It seems she bent over and someone saw fifty
pounds of crack.... 

Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this 
case? 

Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long. 

Judge: Can't they do without you at work? 

Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it.

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