Today's jokes [9.29.10]
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A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by
two female teachers went on a field trip to the local race track to
learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. During
the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was
decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go
with the other. As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the
men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her he couldn't reach
the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting the
little boys up by their armpits, one by one. As she lifted one, she
couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed for an
elementary school child. "I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.
"No ma'am" he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow.
Thanks for the lift anyhow."
At 17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
25 "Split the check before we go back to my place"
35 "Just come over."
48 "Just come over and cook."
66 Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.
A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in
their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he
could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor. He gave them
thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests, then
concluded, "Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you. On
your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some
grapes and some doughnuts."
"Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across
the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's 'love canal'.
Then, on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and
retrieve the grape using only your tongue."
"Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the
room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his
'love pole'. Then, like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume
The couple went home and their sex life became more and more
wonderful. They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should
see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would
not take the case unless he felt that he could help them. He conducted
the physical exams and the same battery of tests.
Then he told the Greens the bad news. "I cannot help you, so I will
not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will
ever be. I cannot help."
The Greens pleaded with him, and said, "You helped our friends the
Browns, now please, please help us."
"Well, all right", the doctor said. "On your way home from the office,
stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after
staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar,
walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began
She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought
you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
A father came home from a long business trip to find his son
riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. "Where did you get the
money for the bike? It must have cost $300."
"Easy, Dad," the boy replied. "I earned it hiking."
"Come on," the father said. "Tell me the truth."
"That is the truth," the boy replied. "Every night you were gone,
Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over to see
Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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