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Today's jokes [9.27.10]

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   A guy was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it
   is his daughter's birthday and that he hasn't bought her anything. Out
   the corner of his eye he sees a shopping mall. Knowing it was "now or
   never", he pulls his car through three lanes of traffic, finds a
   parking bay and runs into the mall. After a frantic search he finds a
   toy store, goes inside and attracts the attention of a shop assistant.
   When asked what he would like, he simply says "a Barbie doll".
   The shop assistant looks at him in the particularly condescending
   manner that only shop assistants can muster up and asks "Which Barbie
   would that be, sir?" The man looks surprised so the assistant
   continues "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to
   the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie dates
   BaddTeddy for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes
   Night Clubbing for $19.95, Cyber Barbie for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie
   for $265.00" The man can't help himself and asks "why is Divorced
   Barbie $265.00 when all the other Barbies are selling for $19.95?"
   "That's obvious!" says the assistant, "Divorced Barbie comes with
   Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's furniture ....


1. 




A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the
letter "R," and all the other kids were, of course,
teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave
him a sentence to practice at home: "Robert gave Richard
a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare."
In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to
recite the sentence out loud. 

The boy nervously eyed his classmates -- many of them
already laughing at him -- then replied, "Bob gave Dick
a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough."

2. 




An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest 
in his paintings on display at that time. 

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good 
news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and 
wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When 
I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad 
news?"

"The guy was your doctor."

3. 




Why do women get PMS?

THEY JUST FUCKING DO ALRIGHT!?

4. 




   The Hazards of Kicking the Cat
   There was a little boy with a bad attitude. He was at home one day
   doing his chores. He
   was feeding the chickens and he got mad and kicked one across the
   yard. He was feeding
   the hogs and got mad and kicked the hell out of one of them also. He
   was milking the cow
   and it kept hitting him in the face with its tail so he kicked it,
   too. His mom had been
   watching him and told him he couldn't have any chicken, beef, or pork
   for a month
   because he was a mean little bastard. She told him to wait 'til his
   dad got home. His dad
   came home and tripped over the pussy cat and he got mad and kicked
   that cat across the
   room. The little boy looked at his mom and said, "Are you going to
   tell him or am I?"
   


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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