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Today's jokes [9.24.10]

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A crowd had gathered around a whore and they were about to stone her.
Jesus stepped in front of her and said: "Let he who is without sin, cast 
the first stone."
From the back of the crowd came this stone which hit Jesus on the head and 
knocked him down. Jesus turned and looked in that direction and said: "You 
know mom, sometimes you really piss me off."

1. 




How do you get Visual Aids? 

     - From a nasty poke in the eye. 

2. 




Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out
that she's pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator of
New York and this has happened to her. She gets Bill on the phone and 
immediately starts screaming: "How could you have let this happen?
With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How
could you??!!! I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks 
pregnant and it is all your fault!!! Your fault!!! Well, what have
you got to say???"
There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams
again, "Did you hear me??!!" Finally she hears Bill's very, very
quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says, "Who is this?"

3. 




A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of 
a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to 
the girl, "If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat." 
The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. It is 
hot. The girl then takes out a fan and starts fanning herself. 

The woman looks up and says, "If you knew what I have, you 
would give me that fan." The girl gives her the fan, too.

Fifteen minutes later the woman gets up and says to the bus 
driver, "Stop, I want to get off here." The bus driver tells her he 
has to drop her at the next corner, not in the middle of the 
block. With her hand across her chest, she tells the driver, "If 
you knew what I have, you would let me off the bus right here." 

The bus driver pulls over and opens the door to let her out. As 
she's walking out of the bus, he asks, "Madam, what is it you 
have?"

The old woman looks at him and nonchalantly replies, 
"Chutzpah."

4. 




Two Amish women were out picking potatoes in the field when one of them 
picked up two huge potatoes and said "These potatoes remind me of Emil's 
balls"

"Are they that big?" asked the other.

"No they're this dirty." 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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