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Today's jokes [9.21.10]

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What do you call an armless, legless leper in a swimming pool?

Bob

1. 





The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney
and a  farmer with a bodily injury claim. It came from a Houston,
Texas insurance agent.

Attorney: "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had
 never felt better in your life?"

Farmer: "That's right."

Attorney: "Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were
 seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?"

Farmer: "When the constable arrived, he went over to my horse,
who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, my
dog, who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt,
I just  thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words
to say  I've never felt better in my life.

2. 




Little Freddie said to Little Johnny, "My dad's tougher than your dad!"
"Oh yeah?" said Little Johnny, "My dad is so tough, he has lightbulbs for
dinner!"
"Really?"
Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom, 'Turn out the light, I 
wanna eat it!'"



3. 




Why do you wrap duct tape around a hamster?

So it doesn't explode when you fuck it.



4. 




Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding. 
Suddenly, Steve falls off. He is killed instantaneously. After the 
ambulance leaves with Steve's body, Bob and Jeff realize they'll 
have to inform his wife. 

Bob says he's good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he 
volunteers to do the job. 

After two hours he returns, carrying a six-pack of beer. "So did 
you tell her?" asks Jeff. "Yep", replies Bob. "Say, where did 
you get the six-pack?" 

Bob informs Jeff. "She gave it to me."

"WHAT??" exclaims Jeff, "you just told her her husband died 
and she gave you a six-pack??" 

"Sure," Bob says. "WHY?" asks Jeff. "Well," Bob continues, 
"when she answered the door, I asked her, 'are you Steve's 
widow?' 'Widow?', she said, 'no, no, you're mistaken, I'm not a 
widow!' So I said: "I'll bet you a six-pack you ARE!'"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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