Today's jokes [9.19.10]
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A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started
feeling ill. "Mommy," she said. "Can we leave now?"
"No," her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up
behind a bush." In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.
"Yes," the little girl replied.
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and
return so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy." the little girl replied.
"They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the sick'."
I recently had surgery on my hand, and asked the doctor if,
after surgery, I would be able to play the banjo.
He said, "I'm doing surgery on your hand, not giving you a lobotomy."
God created woman, and she had 3 breasts.
He said to the woman, "Is there anything on you that you'd like to
She said, "Yes. Could you get rid of this middle breast?"
God snapped his fingers and it was done.
She exclaimed, holding the third breast in her hand,
"What am I going to do with this useless boob?"
And God created man.
Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an
exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just
had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was
feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon
as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of
town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he
wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish.
Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday
morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint
Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and
exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father Norton
hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short
of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN
ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why
did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going
A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a
dumb blonde. Her friend tells her "go do something to prove them wrong!
Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?" The blonde
thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying.
The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to
her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I
can name ALL the state capitals!" The guy doesn't believe her, so she
dares him to test her. He says "Okay, what's the Capital of Montana?" The
blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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