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Today's jokes [9.17.10]

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These two sperm were swimmin' around, doin' their thing and one sperm
   asks the
   other...Hey, are we almost there??? Is this the fallopian tube???
   Sperm #2 says "Naaaa
   this is still the esophagus".
   


1. 




    A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for
   his graduate students. It had one question: Is Hell exothermic (gives
   off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a
   proof."
   Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
   (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or
   some variant.
   One student, however, wrote the following:
   First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So,
   we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate
   they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul
   gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As
   for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
   religions that exist in the world today.
   Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
   religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these
   religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we
   can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and
   death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to
   increase exponentially.
   Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because
   Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in
   Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are
   added. This gives two possibilities:
   #1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
   enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
   until all Hell breaks loose.
   #2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase
   of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until
   Hell freezes over.
   So which is it?
   If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my
   Freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep
   with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not
   succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true,
   and so Hell is exothermic.
   The student got the only A.


2. 




What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates?

A mobile sperm bank.

3. 




   1200 people attended the recent International Psychic Society
   conference.
   
   Moderator: "How many attendees believe in ghosts?"
   (Over 80% of the hands were raised)
   
   Moderator: "How many have actually seen a ghost?"
   (58% of the hands were raised)
   
   Moderator: "How many believe that a ghost can be solid?"
   (23% of the hands were raised)
   
   Moderator: "How many have ever physically touched a ghost?"
   (3% of the hands were raised)
   
   Moderator: "How many have ever had sex with a ghost?"
   (After some pause one lonely hand at the back of the hall went up)
   
   Moderator: "May I ask where you are from, sir?"
   Attendee: "I am from Australia."
   
   Moderator: "And you say you've had sex with a ghost?"
   
   Attendee: "Oh sorry! I thought you said "goat."
   


4. 




This woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is through examining her 
he says: "I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a 
tooth." The woman then says with anticipated agony, "Ooooohhhh, I'd rather 
have a baby!" To which the dentist replies: "Well make up your mind. I 
have to adjust the chair."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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