Today's jokes [9.16.10]
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Why can't a man eat like a bird?
Have you ever tried to pick up food with your pecker?
Sent by Chris
Q. How can you tell if a man is sexually exited?
A. He's Breathing.
Tim Shandy stepped into the Warm Spoon, a popular Galway tavern.
To Mike Callahan, the barkeep, Shandy said "Mike, I'll be havin'
Callahan set up three glasses and began to pour. "Now, Timothy,
it's not the usual thing for you to ask for three whiskeys. It's
celebratin', you are.
"Ahh, ye know me too well, Micheal, ye do. Truth, and I'm celebrating
me first blow job."
Callahan smiled benevolently and set a fourth glass on the bar.
"Now, that's special," he said. "For an old customer like y'rself,
here's a fourth on the house, so I may be sharin' your celebration
Shandy shook his head, and replied "'Tis verra kind of ye, Micheal,
but I'm thinkin' if three won't get rid of the taste, four won't
During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was
asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.
"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of
"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You
undress and tell me when you're through."
In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor,
I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"
"Put them on the chair, on top of mine."
Golf in the Bedroom
Rules of Play
Each player shall provide his own equipment - normally one club and
Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and
keep the balls out of the
For the most effective play, the club owner should have a firm shaft.
Course owners are
permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
damage to the hole.
The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until
the course owner is
satisfied that the play is complete. Failure to do so may result in
denied permission to play
the course again.
It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon
arrival at the course.
The experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire
course, with special
attention to well formed bunkers.
Players are encouraged not to mention other courses they have played,
or are currently
playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have
been known to
damage a player's equipment for this reason.
Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own
Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly
when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players
have been known to
become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they
considered to be a private
Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times.
Some players may be
embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair.
Players are advised to be
extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find
alternate means of play
at this time.
Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before
attempting to play the
Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to
proceed at a quicker
pace, at least temporarily, at the course owner's request.
It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the
same course several
times in one month.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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