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Today's jokes [9.15.10]

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Q: What will it take to reunite Nirvana???
A: Two more bullets...


1. 




why did Santa Anna bring only 4000 troops to the Alamo?

he only had 2 cars.

2. 




The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class 
was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe 
properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at 
this stage of the plan.
"Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. "Walking is 
especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the 
time to go walking with your partner!"
The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised 
his hand.
"Yes?" asked the instructor.
"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

3. 




   One of those discount airlines recently had a promotion where they
   offered free air-fare to wives who accompanied their husbands on a
   business trip. Seeking some valuable testimonials, the PR unit of the
   airline sent out letters to the wives who took advantage of the offer.
   
   I understand both written and telephoned responses are still flooding
   their offices asking, "What trip ?"


4. 




A fellow was shipwrecked with six lovely women who
in a short time were fighting over his attentions.
They held a meeting to resolve the problem and
decided that each would have his services on a
different day of the week, with Sundays off for him. 

In due time the guy was dragging himself through the
week, looking forward to Sunday. 

As he lay an the beach one day he saw a dot floating
on the sea which as it got closer turned out to be a
man on a raft. With his last ounce of strength he
swam out, pulled the raft ashore, gave the occupant
CPR and as he came around said to him; "Oh man, am
I ever glad to see you! 

"Goodness gracious, am I ever glad to see you too"
said the raft rider in a swishy way.

With a shrug of resignation the guy said... "Oh damn,
there goes my Sundays!" 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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