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Today's jokes [9.13.10]

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been riding down the trail
all day. When they had stopped to take a rest Tonto
placed his ear to the ground and listened. 
"Buffalo come," remarked Tonto. 
"How can you tell, Tonto?" asked the Lone Ranger. 
"Face sticky." 

1. 




Q. Why is psycho- analysis so much easier for men rather
than women? 
A. Because when it comes time to revert to childhood, men
are already there.

2. 




    Are computers males or females? You decide.
   TOP 5 REASONS WHY COMPUTERS MUST BE MALE:
   5. They're heavily dependent on external tools and equipment.
   4. They periodically cut you off right when you think you've
   established a network connection.
   3. They'll usually do what you ask them to do, but they won't do more
   than they have to and they won't think of it on their own.
   2. They're typically obsolete within five years and need to be traded
   in for a new model. Some users, however, feel they've already invested
   so much in the damn machine that they're compelled to remain with an
   under powered system.
   1. They get hot when you turn them on, and that's the only time you
   have their attention.
   FIVE REASONS COMPUTERS MUST BE FEMALE:
   5. No one but their creator understands their logic.
   4. Even the smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for
   future reference.
   3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is
   incomprehensible to everyone else.
   2. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as
   "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to
   tell you."
   1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
   half your paycheck on accessories for it.\


3. 




There's these four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them 
is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what's the 
matter.

1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is.
2nd Irishman: Oh, that's easy, it's 147.
1st Irishman: No no no, that can't be right. How about you, Fergus, do you
              know what 2 plus 2 is?
3rd Irishman: Hmmm ... could it be Wednesday, perhaps?
1st Irishman: No no no, that doesn't sound right either. How about you               
Pat, do you know?
4th Irishman: Simple, the answer is 4.
1st Irishman: Of course! How did you work it out?!
4th Irishman: Aha, that's where brains come in! I subtracted 147 from
              Wednesday!



4. 




The scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the
brush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the
ass of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says,
"Hey! Cut it out, alright!"
The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue.
After about another five minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with 
his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns
around and cuffs the rear tiger and says,
"I said stop it!" The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue.
After about another five minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the ass 
of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and asks the rear 
tiger, "What is it with you, anyway?"
The rear tiger replies, "Well, I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get
the taste out of my mouth!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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