Today's jokes [9.11.10]
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Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls
make it hot by loosening a few buttons. Good girls only own one credit
card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines. Good
girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could
do it better. Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a
strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a
strand of pearls. Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear
high heels to bed. Good girls say, "No." Bad girls say, "When?"
"What's the difference between the North American porcupine
and the African porcupine," the society matron asked the
"The principal difference is the North American species has a
This, as you might assume, distressed the matron who
stormed immediately to the zoo manager's office. The zoo
manager said, "Ma'am, I apologize for my staff's unfortunate
choice of terms. What the keeper should have said is the
North American species has a longer *quill*. In fact, their
pricks are just about the same size."
The morning after their honeymoon night, Julie says to her
husband, "you know, You're really a lousy lover!"
Her husband replies, "How would you know after only 30 seconds?"
An 8 year old boy walks home from school each day past an 8 year old
girls house. One
day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can't resist taunting
the girl. He holds up
the football and says, "See this football? Football is a boys game,
and only boys can have a
football!". The little girl runs into the house and cries to her
mother, "I want a football!"
Being a woman of the 90's, her mother runs out and gets her one.
The next day the girl is waiting for the little boy and he rides up on
his bike. She holds up
the football, "Nah Nah Nah Nah". The little boy angryly points to his
bike and says, "Oh
yeah, well this is a boys bike and only boys get boys bikes and you
can't have one!" She
runs in to mom and the next day is waiting for him on her new boys
The little boy gets furious and pulls down his pants, and pointing to
his most private of
parts says, "Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you
one!!!". The next
day he walks by and asks her, "Well, I guess I showed you!" to which
she promptly pulls
up her dress, points to her parts and proclaims "My mother tells me
that as long as I have
one of these I can have as many of THOSE as I want!
The pro quarterback was petitioning the court to have his recent
marriage annulled. "On what grounds ?" questioned the Judge, "This
court does not take annulments lightly."
"Non-virginity," replied the quarterback, "When I married her, I
thought I was getting a tight end, but instead, I found that I had
married a wide receiver."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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