Today's jokes [9.10.10]
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One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost.
For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out.
He had not eaten anything during this period and was
famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle,
killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly a couple of
park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and
arrested him for killing an endangered species.
At court, he plead innocent to the charges against him
claiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle he would
have died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor.
In the judges closing statement he asked the man, "I
would like you to tell me something before I let you go.
I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it.
What did it taste like?" The man answered, "Well,
it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a
Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya
The son smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue."
The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no
"Sure Pa, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got !"
Q: Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters
will improve your sex life?
A: Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.
A local United Way office realized that it had never
received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person
in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000,
you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the
community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and
replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying
after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her
annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um...no."
"-or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a
wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an
apology but was interrupted, "-or that my sister's husband died in a
traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving
her penniless with three children?" The humiliated United Way rep,
completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the
lawyer cut him off once again: "-so if I don't give any money to them,
why should I give any to you?"
The only good thing to ever come out of Oklahoma:
An empty greyhound.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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