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Today's jokes [8.9.10]

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Good News, Bad News, Worse News VI
 
  Good: 
        Your wife's not talking to you
   Bad: 
        She wants a divorce
 Worse: 
        She's a lawyer

1. 




How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. one to screw in the lightbulb, and another to suck my dick
.as I beat my wife!


2. 




Useful Phrases to Know When Travelling in the Middle East



AKBAR KHALI_KILI HAFTIR LOTFAN
    Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun.
 
FEKR GABUL ORADAN DAVAT PAEH CUSH DIVAR
    I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie on the floor
    with my arms above my head and my legs apart.
 
SHOMAEH FEKR TAMOMEH DEH GOFTEH BANDE
    I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life.
 
AUTO ARREREGH DAVATEMAN MANO SEPAHEH HAST
    It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk
    of your car.
 
FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYEH MOHEMARA JEBEHKESHVAREHMAN
    If you will do me the kindness of not harming by genitel appendages I will
    gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public.
 
MATERNIER GHERMEZ AHLEIEH, GHORBAN
    The red blindfold will be lovely, excellency.
 
TIEKH NUNEH OB KHREELEH BEZORG VA KHRUBE BOYAST INO BEGERAM
    The water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you. I really must
    have the recipe.
 
  Regards,
  MPAGE@bcsc02.gov.bc.ca
  BCSC / DNS



3. 




A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman.
After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your pussy?" 

The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not!" 

"Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet, then." 

4. 




What do you get when you cross a Jehova's Witness
with a Hell's Angels motorcycle gang member????

Someone who comes to your door and tells *you* to fuck off! 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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