Today's jokes [8.6.10]
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What are 3 problems about being an egg?
You only get laid once, the only woman to sit on your face
is your mother, and it takes 4 minutes to get hard.
God, I was wondering...how long is a million years to you?"
God answered, "Son, a million years to me is like a second to you."
So the man asks, "God how much is a million dollars to you?"
And God answered, "Son a million dollars to me is like one penny to
So the man asks, "God, can I have one of your pennies?"
And God answers, "Just a second son."
An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing
problem. "I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and
they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I've farted no less than
twenty times. What can I do?"
"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for
seven days and comeback and see me in a week."
Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I
don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm farting
just as much, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for
"Calm down, Mrs.Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed
sinuses, we'll work on your hearing."
Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class,and the teacher says that an
interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other
animal in the world does this.
Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The
neighbours' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went
"ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "FUCK
OFF!", the dog ate him!"
Some men go on a hunting trip and separate into pairs. That
evening one hunter, Sam, returned to camp alone toting a 12
point buck. "Where's George?" one of the men asked, noticing
that Sam had returned alone.
"He's about 6 miles back. He tripped and broke his ankle. I left
him there 'cause I figured ain't nobody 'bout to steal him."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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