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Today's jokes [8.4.10]

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A girl gets a tatoo of Santa Claus on one thigh
and a turkey on the other. She wants to show that
there is something good to eat in between
Thanksgiving and Christmas. 

1. 




    A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where
   they made "Tickle me Elmo dolls". It was Friday and almost quitting
   time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He
   quickly explained to her that she would be stationed on the assembly
   line just before the dolls were packed into boxes. On Monday they
   started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut it down
   because one worker couldn't keep up. The boss went down the line to
   find the problem. The new employee was very busy trying to do her part
   but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her. Closer examination
   showed that she was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts in
   the appropriate place on the dolls. The boss could not control his
   laughter and said, "Lady, I said to give each doll
   Two----Test----Tickles."


2. 




   IBM Memo about Peripheral Replacement
   This is an actual alert to IBM Field Engineers that went out to all
   IBM Branch Offices. The person who wrote it was very serious. The rest
   of us may find it rather funny.
   Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit) Mouse
   balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate
   or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.
   Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse
   balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
   Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the
   underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than
   foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon
   manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the
   pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist-off
   method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However,
   excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of
   ball replacement, the mouse maybe used immediately.
   It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for
   maintaining optimum customer satisfaction, and that any customer
   missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these
   necessary items.


3. 




Have you ever smelled moth balls? 

     - How did you get their little legs apart? 

4. 




Good News, Bad News, Worse News VIII
 
  Good: 
        You came home for a quickie
   Bad: 
        The postman had the same idea
 Worse: 
        You have to wait

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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