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Today's jokes [8.27.10]

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Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye (or maybe it was Neil 
McNell from Barra, but anyway..) went to study at an English 
university and was living in the hall of residence with all the 
other students there. After he had been there a month, his 
mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements of 
tatties, salt herring, oatmeal and whisky).

"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she 

"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The 
one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't 
stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all 

"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful 
noisy English neighbours?"

"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here 
quietly, playing my bagpipes."


Mr. John Hinkley St. Elizabeth Hospital Washington D.C. 

Dear John, 

Hillary and I just wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased 
we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. 
In our country's new spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you 
to know there is a bilateral consensus of compassion and forgiveness. 
Therefore, we want you to know that no grudge is borne against you for 
shooting President Reagan. We are well aware of how mental stress and pain 
could have driven you to such an act of desperation. 
Hillary and I are confident you will soon make a complete recovery, and 
return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive 

Best wishes, 

Bill Clinton President United States of America 

P.S. Just thought you might like to know, Ken Starr is fucking Jodie 


Have you heard about the new orgasm pill just approved by the FDA for women?
It comes with a 16 inch applicator 


Just wanted to check out that you gnarly dudes are using the latest and
greatest software technology fer yer rad code to make it easy for the
dudes who have to read it.  The hip new way to write readable C
code involves the use of a few simple defines.

#define like {
#define man ;}
#define an ;
#define SayBro /*
#define CheckItOut */

SayBro like, this is some rad program, so CheckItOut

    a = b
    c = d

SayBro , like who needs help from them compiler choads anyway?
THIS is the way to write CLEAR code.  I mean really!  CheckItOut

like SayBro this is ShellSort straight out of the white book, but in
a readable form.

CheckItOut man

#define YoDude for(
#define OK     )
#define is     =
#define AND    &&
#define as
#define Do
#define long
#define some
#define make
#define garbage
#define FAROUT

shell(v, n) SayBro sort v[0]...v[n-1] into increasing order CheckItOut
int v[], n;

like int gap, i, j, temp;

YoDude gap is n/2 an as long as gap > 0 Do some garbage an make gap /=2 OK
    YoDude i is gap an as long as i < n Do some garbage an make i++ OK
        YoDude j is i - gap an as long as j >= 0 AND v[j] > v[j+gap] Do some
            garbage an make j -= gap OK
                temp is v[j]      an
                v[j] is v[j+gap]  an
                v[j+gap] is temp

SayBro like, B there OB square!  CheckItOut


This guy and a blonde are making out feverishly in the front seat of
his car. After an hour or so, he whispers in her ear, "Do you want
to move to the back seat?"

She replies, "NO!" Flabbergasted, he says, "Why Not?"

To which she replies, "Well, I want to stay up here with you. It'd
be lonely back there!"


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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