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Today's jokes [8.26.10]

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One day, a fellow went for a ride through the park on his bicycle.
The following day, a friend asked him if he would like to do it again.
He replied, "No thanks, I'm not into recycling."

1. 




A man takes his sick dog to the vet. The vet lifts the dog onto
the the operating table, looks down and says "Say ahhhhhhhhhhh!"
The man looks at the vet and says "The dog can't speak".
The vet says to the man "I was talking to YOU. The dog,s dead!!!

Sent by Peter 

2. 




A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next
   to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he
   notices that she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her
   about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual
   statistics. It identifies that American Indialns have the longest
   average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the
   way my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto
   Kowalski, nice to meet you."


3. 




A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech
 corporation.  The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and
 presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up
 against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.

 Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales
 took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his
 wits's end, he remembered the envelopes.  He went to his drawer and took
 out the first envelope.  The message read, "Blame your predecessor."

 The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at
 the feet of the previous CEO.  Satisfied with his comments, the press --
 and Wall Street -- responded positively, sales began to pick up and the
 problem was soon behind him.

 About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in
 sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his
 previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope.  The
 message read, "Reorganize."  This he did, and the company quickly
 rebounded.

 After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again
 fell on difficult times.  The CEO went to his office, closed the door
 and opened the third envelope.

 The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."

4. 




How to Hunt Elephants -- VP Style

When the Vice President of R&D tries to hunt elephants, his
staff will try to ensure that  all elephants are completely
prehunted before he sees them.  If the VP sees a
nonprehunted elephant, the staff will (1) Compliment the
vice president's keen eyesight and (2) enlarge itself to
prevent any recurrence.

Sent by Alex

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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