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Today's jokes [8.23.10]

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A manager of a restaurant had called its owner to ask
about whether or not she should hire a new waitress.
"She can speak twelve different languages, which will
be good for foreign visitors," said the manager.
"All right, so hire her," the owner replied."But, sir..."
"I knew there would be a but. What's wrong with her?"
"Sir, English isn't one of the twelve languages."

Sent by Christina

1. 




The room was full of pregnant ladies and their partners, 

and the Lamaze class was in full swing.  The instructor was

teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with 

informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at 

this stage of the plan.  



The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for 

you.  Walking is especially beneficial.  And, gentlemen, it

wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your

partner!"



The room really got quiet.



Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.



"Yes," replied the teacher.



"Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

Sent by Katie-Anne 

2. 




This guy wants to be a proctologist, and he wants to be a really good 
proctologist, so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and 
practice a little. Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork
in his butt! He thinks it's a little strange, so he pulls it and music 
starts playing!
". . . On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again...". 
The guy really freaks out! He runs and gets the M.A. and drags the poor 
guy back to the table. "Look!" he says, and pulls the cork out again,
". . . On the road again . . ."
The M.A. is totally unimpressed..."So what?" he says. "Isn't that the
most amazing thing you've ever seen?", the guy asked.
"Are you kidding?" says the M.A. "Any asshole can sing country music!" 


3. 




This blond teenage dragged her boyfriend to the court on paternity issue.
The lawyer asked, "How long are you having a sexual relationship?" "Years,
I tell you years" she replied. " Thats no answer, you have to specify how
long has he intimated with you." "I don't know exactly, its average, about
six inches"

4. 




A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he
sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A
nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean
spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed, and
asked, "Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?"

The waiter replied, "Yes. We had an efficiency expert here that
determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table.
By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."

The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented,
"Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string
hanging from your fly?" The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. That
same efficiency expert determined that we spend 21.4% of our time
washing our hands after using the men's room. The other end of that
string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the
string to get my tool out of my pants, go, and then return to work.
Having never touched myself, there is no need to wash my hands.
Saves a lot of time."

"Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your penis back
in your pants?" "Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use
the spoon." 

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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