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Today's jokes [8.22.10]

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Good News, Bad News, Worse News VII
 
  Good: 
        The postman's early
   Bad: 
        He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47
 Worse: 
        You gave him nothing for Christmas

1. 




   A guy runs out of a Las Vegas hotel and says to a stranger, "Can you
   loan me two hundred bucks? My wife had a terrible accident."
   
   The stranger says, "If you need two hundred dollars, what are you
   using to gamble with?"
   
   The guy replies, "Oh, I've got gambling money."
   


2. 




Why do they bury lawers 26 feet underground?

Because deep down, they are really nice guys. 

3. 




Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing
 ---------------------------------

 It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man
 volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is
 put into motion.

 (1) The woman goes to the store.
 (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
 (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on
     a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it
     to the man, who is lounging beside the grill.
 (4) The man places the meat on the grill.
 (5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check
     the vegetables.
 (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is
     burning.
 (7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the
     woman.
 (8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the
     table.
 (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the
     dishes.
 (10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night
     off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that
     there's just no pleasing some women.

4. 




A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows him into the
living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to fix some
drinks. As he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the
mantel.

He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says,
"What's this?"

She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."

He turns beat red in horror and goes, "Oh, well, er...I..."

She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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