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Today's jokes [8.21.10]

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   Harry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that
   says, "Cow For Sale...$5000."
   
   He pulls in and says to the farmer, "There's no cow in the world worth
   five thousand dollars."
   
   The farmer says, Oh, yeah? Take a look at this."
   
   He lifts the cow's tail, and Harry sees the cow has a snatch just like
   a woman.
   
   Harry gets back in the car, turns to his wife, and says, "It's just
   not fair. Here's this farmer with a cow with a snatch like a woman,
   and it's worth $5000, and here I am, with you, with a snatch like a
   cow, and you're not worth shit."
   


1. 




A couple married forty years were revisiting the same places
they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded
countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running
along the road.
The woman said, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did
here forty years ago."
The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, and
he immediately jumped her bones like a bass on a junebug. They
made love like never before.
Back in the car, the guy says, "Darlin', you sure never moved
like that forty years ago--or any time since that I can remember!"
The woman says, "Forty years ago that goddamn fence wasn't electrified!" 

2. 




These two guys go to a whorehouse.
The first guy goes in then comes out and says,
"My wife is better."
The second guy goes in then comes out and says,
"You know what? Your wife IS better."

3. 




Two guys go hunting.  Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has
hunted all his life.

When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to
sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand. 
After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a
blood-curdling scream.

He rushes back to Jerry and yells, "I thought I told you to be
quiet!"

Jerry says, "Hey, I tried. I really did.  When those snakes crawled
over me, I didn't make a sound.  When that bear was breathing down
my neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled
up my pants leg and said, 'Should we take them with us or eat them
here?' I couldn't keep quiet any more!"

4. 




Some cows view each day as the last roundup,
others, merely as another opportunity to stampede.
Most cows view the new day as an exciting new opportunity
to eat grass and point in the same direction as the other cows.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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