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Today's jokes [8.20.10]

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   Mr. Jones had hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very
   polite. While taking
   dictation one morning, she noticed that his fly was open. Upon leaving
   the room she said,
   "Mr. Jones, your barracks door is open."
   He was puzzled by her remark, but later that day he noticed that his
   zipper was open. So,
   he decided to have a little fun with his secretary and called her back
   into his office. "By the
   way Miss Smith," he said, "When you noticed my barracks door open this
   morning, did
   you also notice a soldier standing at attention ?"
   "Why no sir," she replied, "All I saw was a little disabled veteran
   sitting on two duffel
   bags."
   


1. 




A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came 
to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful 
Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way 
home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they 
each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the 
registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Japanese?" 
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Japanese baby and in a year or 
so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him".

2. 




Two blokes were out walking home from work one afternoon.
"Shit," said the first bloke, "as soon as I get home, I'm gonna rip the
wife's knickers off!"
"What's the rush?" his mate asked.
"The bloody elastic in the legs is killing me," the bloke replied.

3. 




When the milkman found a note on one of his customer's
doors asking for 16 gallons instead of the usual quart,
he rang the bell.
"Sorry to bother you, ma'am," he said, "but are you sure
you want sixteen gallons of milk today?"
"Oh, yes," said the lady of the house. "I'm going to take
a milk bath."
"Do you want it pasteurized?"
"No, just up to my tits would be fine." 

4. 




Why don't witches wear panties?

So they can get a better grip on the broom.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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