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Today's jokes [8.19.10]

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It's so easy to milk a cow. Any jerk can do it.

1. 




An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was 
greeted by a much younger salesman.  "Is there something in 
particular I can show you?" he asked.

"Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa."

"You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested.

"Sectional schmectional." she bitterly retorted.  "All I want is 
an occasional piece in the living room!"

2. 




   Georgie is walking down the street after a sex-change operation has
   transformed him into a beautiful women. An old friend sees him and
   says, "Georgie, you look great...you're beautiful!"
   
   Georgie says, "Thanks...but holy Christ, did it hurt."
   
   His friend says, "When they cut open your chest and put in those
   implants?"
   
   Georgie says, "No, that didn't really hurt."
   
   His friend says, "When they cut off your dick and dug out a vagina?"
   
   Georgie says, "No, that didn't really hurt."
   
   His friend says, "Then what did hurt?"
   
   Georgie says, "When the doctor drilled a fucking hole in my head and
   sucked out half my brain."
   


3. 




If Apple made toasters...
It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years
earlier. The toast would make a little smiley face at you when
it popped up, or else it would get stuck and there would be a
little picture of a bomb burned onto it. If they break, these
toasters would require a special set of MacToaster Tools to
even open up. Worldwide market share would only be 5%, but all
the bread in school lunches would be exclusively toasted on
the MacToaster.

4. 




What is the difference between the government and the Mafia?


                                         One of them is organized.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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