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Today's jokes [8.15.10]

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A man is driving down the freeway when he sees a sign that
says; "Get gas and free sex here". So obviously the guy was
interested, so he stopped, filled up went inside to pay.
"Pick a number from 1 - 10 to get free sex." said the cashier. 
"Uh, okay, 3!" the man replied.
"Nope! Sorry play again".
So the guy drove around for weeks always getting gas at the
same place, because he wanted his free sex. One day he was
really ticked:
"This has got to be rigged! I have never gotten the number to
have free sex!" He screamed.
"Oh no! It's not rigged, just ask your wife, she won 3 times
last week alone!" 

1. 




A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little 
sister pulled his hair.

"Don't be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn't 
realize that pulling hair hurts."

A short while later, there's more crying, and the Mother goes to 
investigate.

This time the sister is bawling and her brother says...

"Now she knows."

2. 




A wealthy man sat in his attorney's office.
"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?"
the lawyer asked.
"Give me the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" the man asked incredulously.
"I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"It's of you and your mistress."

3. 




Cop coming upon a young couple making out....
Cop: What the hell are you two doing?
Boy: We're necking.
Cop: Well stick your neck back in your pants and get out of here.

4. 




Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and 
said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step.  Are you prepared for it?"
"I think so," the man replied.  "My wife has made appetizers and we have a 
caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our 
guests."
"I don't mean that," the priest responded.  "I mean, are you prepared
spiritually?"
"Oh, sure," came the reply.  "I've got a keg of beer and a case of 
whiskey."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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